A counselor I once worked with commented that in family relationships, we often hoist our sails when the wind blows hardest and thus get blown around out of control. The fathers who made it through the process took down their sails when the wind blew harder, both at home prior to the divorce and during the process.
They found that when they could react rationally and not in anger, they were more careful and more thoughtful, and did not give their wife any ammunition to use against them later. These fathers who made it through successfully learned that when a father moves out of the home prior to a divorce decree, they put themselves in a bad position. The Mom has practical custody if Dad leaves, and she is in a stronger position to get the upper hand in a custody battle.
You may need to move into another bedroom and avoid your spouse as much as possible to keep the discord down, but leaving the house will be a strategic disadvantage later.
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Start keeping records. Purchase a journal and keep careful records of everything that is said and done in relation to the divorce process. Record threats, insults, etc. Keep very careful records of your spending habits, money you give her and the kids, and expenses you pay for. If there is a negative incident in public, write it down and record the names of any witnesses. Print out your bank records periodically so that you can show any large withdrawals made by your spouse.
Record keeping is often the great equalizer in a legal system that seems biased against men and that relies on records and facts.
Keep your behavior clean. Limit your consumption of alcohol and drugs; in fact, stop completely if possible. Pay your bills on time. In order to come out of a divorce process with your reputation and finances intact, you cannot ever be the aggressor. Because of the pro-mother bias of the family law system, you have a higher standard of behavior to exhibit than she does. Find competent and sympathetic legal counsel soon.
If you feel that divorce is inevitable, it is better to get yourself a good lawyer who specialises in family law. Other divorced fathers can give you recommendations — positive or negative — about their lawyers. You can also call your local state bar association for a recommendation.
Then, be totally honest and open with your lawyer and remember, he or she works for you, not the other way around.
Keep the lines of communication open with the children. Often, the feeling the children have about their father makes or breaks a custody case. Keep communicating with them; show up to their games, recitals and performances and praise them. Help with homework and have some fun together as well.
Your positive interactions with them will help with the process, and will also preserve a relationship for later when the dust settles and a new normal sets in. Separation and a divorce process can be a very isolating time for a father, and our male machismo often makes it harder to talk about our problems. Connect with extended family, supportive friends, clergy, life coaches and professional counselors if necessary.
Keep yourself well.
Many fathers neglect their physical health during these stressful times, and they become depressed and isolated. Keeping a healthy diet, exercising, and avoiding harmful substances is always a good strategy, and even more important in times of anxiety. You need to be at the top of your game when you deal with these emotionally difficult experiences.
A Guy's Divorce Survival Guide - The Good Men Project
Be prepared for twists and turns. Site map - gives an overall picture of the structure of the Child Support Guide. Keyword Index - this provides an extensive list of words which can be used to search for specific topics. Last reviewed: 3 April The objects of the child support scheme, the background of the scheme and a brief history of legislative amendments, as well as a discussion of Australian residence and overseas cases.
The types of registrable maintenance liabilities, notification requirements, how court orders are varied and some hints on how to interpret difficult clauses and commonly used expressions. Rules relating to objections, reviews, appeals and court applications under the child support legislation.
- Child support - Wikipedia.
- A Guide to Child Maintenance Payments.
- Child Support - Some Alternatives | Best Wilson Buckley Family Law.
Related A Blokes Guide to Family Law & Child Support
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